Dear Parents,

It’s obvious that the college selection process has high anxiety for students, but the process can also have high anxiety for parents.  This is often the age when our children pull away from us, making it difficult to give them the guidance and advice we wish.  Using a third party consultant, who can work objectively with your child, can be beneficial in achieving a positive outcome for all.

When my two children were going through the college selection process, my husband and I experienced this anxiety.  Our children expressed a strong desire to own their own process, and rightly so.  But, we struggled to find the right balance between allowing them to find their way and giving them advice on the way we saw their pathway.  Through this growing experience we found some common questions that parents often struggle with.

What if my child only wants to attend one particular college and we fear they may not be accepted to that college? 

 It is important to remember that there are many colleges that are a “good fit” or a “match” for every student.  Therefore, it is vital that students develop a college list that is well researched, in order to give them options.  Through this process you and your child will discover that they can be happy and thrive on a variety of college campuses, not just one.

What if my child appears to be resisting the entire college search process and will not discuss it or engage on the topic with me?

Although parents may think this is a sign of apathy, experience suggests that your child may largely be feeling overwhelmed, and as a result, simply shutting down or avoiding the challenge.   Many times a third party consultant who has empathy and understanding can engage with your child in a way you cannot.  

What if my child wants to go to a school that I don’t think we will be able to afford?

It has been a long time since most of us have been personally involved in the college financial aid process.  Some things have changed but other things have not.  It is important to set a budget and discuss it as a family.  After you have set a range of what you are able to pay, then exploration of financial aid options such as loans, grants, merit aid and work-study options can be explored.  Many times a student will receive a financial aid package from an out-of-state or private college that is more affordable than the cost of attending an in-state school.   There are tools to explore college costs, but if finances are the most important selection criteria, students should wait before accepting admission to a particular school until all acceptance letters and aid packages have been received from all the schools that your child has applied too.

What role should I as the parent play in the process?  What will be most effective for my child and for me?

The best advice is to let your child be the lead; it is their decision and therefore their process.  They may make decisions differently than you, but they will need to make the decision in the end.  It is important to remember that if they are taking charge they are more likely to be happy with the outcome because they have been invested in the decision making process.

What if my spouse and I do not see eye to eye?

Again, this process can be a stressful process.  If you and your spouse do not agree on certain issues, it is important for the two of you to step back and remind yourselves that this is your child’s journey and not yours.  It is your child who needs to go through the trials and errors of their college search.  If this process is done properly then you can trust that the final selection will be the best match for them.

My child has some unique abilities.  How do I make sure that they will find the best school where these attributes and characteristics will be addressed?

It is important for all of us to know ourselves and find the best avenues for our success.  This is also true for your child.  Helping them understand what they will need to be successful is as important in college search and selection as it is in all other areas of life.  There are programs where your child will flourish as a student.  Careful exploration will ensure that they will find the right “fit” for them.